May 3rd, 2009 Nichole
Identities come and go very much like the wind. One minute you believe you’re one thing and the next you’re quite the other. That’s what happens with labels: they are ever-changing. Ever-evolving.
I no longer identify as a lonely lesbian.
This blog was created when I had a falling out with Tre, and soon after when I had broken off contact with her. This place was to help me cope. To help me move on. It worked and I am thankful for that.
Am I lonely still? A little, but not the way I was before. More importantly, I think, is that I’m no longer identifying as a lesbian. I haven’t been for a couple months now, and because of that I felt this blog was in some ways a sham.
To all that are curious, I’m identifying as an asexual once more.
I will forever be enchanted and drawn to people of the female variety more-so than males, yet I don’t believe I will have sexual relations with either one. Sex is not and has not ever been important to me. I’m 27 now. I’ve had vaginal intercourse zero times. Anal sex zero times. Oral sex once, when I was 25, and I didn’t enjoy it much at all. See a trend? Thus, the asexual identity.
I’m still close with people. I still want to foster romantic friendships and maybe even a one-on-one relationship some day, but honestly, I don’t see sex playing any role in my future.
If any of you ladies or gents wish to hit me up now that this blog is closed, you can do so via twitter. I’m also semi-active on my livejournal; just message me for an add.
Thanks a lot to everyone who’s read Lonely Lesbian. You’ve kept me sane. Alive. And most of all, you made me feel less alone.
See you on the flipside.
Posted in moving on | 2 Comments »
April 26th, 2009 Nichole
I was looking at condos in the area and realized that to buy and live and maintain and pay taxes in a home I buy will be hard with the salary I make. I’m only one person with a little better than mediocre salary. Now if I were with someone, like many of my friends have already had the foresight to do, it would be a little easier.
Two people with a little better than mediocre salary can be easily pulling in $80,000 a year. Me by myself? Not even close.
If I buy a place to live, whether it be a condo, a home or a town home, I want it to be nice. Settling for something you sort of want while renting is fine. But when I purchase a home, I want it to be a place I’m proud of owning. I don’t want to settle. And right now, with the money I make, in order to make ends meet I will HAVE to settle for fourth best. Not even second or third, but fourth.
So, anyone want to be my love and buy a condo with me? I keep to myself and am pretty quiet.
*le sigh*
Posted in lamentation, life | 5 Comments »
April 18th, 2009 Nichole
There was a local jewelry maker at Evelyn Bay Coffee this morning and afternoon. She rented out the small meeting room they have available and set up shop. She had some wonderful, quality pieces. A lot of what she had was brass, which totally tickled my fancy. I’m in love with brass so very much.
I bought a some pieces: two necklaces and a pair of earrings. They’re all quite lovely.
Posted in happiness | 2 Comments »
April 17th, 2009 Nichole
Every two years my former high school does career day. 2009 is the year for it this time around, so next week I will be imparting my direct response experience unto a few handfuls of high school students, primarily from a creative standpoint. My brother has done some of these, and I believe the one this year will be his third. It’s the very first time for me and I’m excited!
I felt lost in high school, especially toward the end when I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life. That’s a huge thing to think about when you’re seventeen. What do I want to spend the rest of my life doing?
For while I wasn’t even considering going to college. I don’t think that to be successful you need to have a formal education, but I was talked into attending a 4-year university by a school guidance counselor. I’m glad that I went though. I love learning. I’ve always loved to learn and discover the “whys” and “what ifs” of life ever since I was a little girl. In 2005, by some crazy act of god mixed in with some good ol’ fashioned hard work, I graduated summa cum laude with a BA in English.
And… I’m primarily a web developer now. Hahaha!
Do I have regrets? No. I still love to write and still do it professionally… just not as much as I used to. However, college wasn’t all about my English degree. It wasn’t all about writing. *GASP* It was about making some crazy-awesome friends and expanding my horizons. I realized a couple years too late that I loved Geology and Mineralogy. I actually enjoyed and excelled in Spanish. I found a love for making things with clay in Ceramics.
I discovered more of myself while I was in college.
I started running on a tangent there. So yeah, career day. I’m stoked. And I have a ton of work paraphernalia to give the kids. Who the hell doesn’t like getting a free pen? C’mon, it’s a FREE FRICKEN PEN!
Posted in life, reminiscing, work | 4 Comments »
April 14th, 2009 Nichole
I volunteer my time on occasion to help others with their writing projects. These past few weeks I’ve been helping Sara edit her thesis, a video game script. It was a lovely project to work on; she’s quite the writer even if English isn’t her mother tongue. Very few mistakes!
I envy people who can covey feeling in more than one language. It must be liberating to have all kinds of words to fall back on when expressing yourself. Like a whole other palette of colors to paint with. Another section of the orchestra. A rack of exotic spices to experiment with. I wish I could speak in the language of yellow, curried cellos.
I’ve always wanted to play the cello.
I wrote over the weekend, just a small little thing that has nothing to do with the big project I keep putting off. Still, it was nice to write. I got so caught up in it that I forgot about my brother’s letter and had to mail it out today, instead of yesterday. Sorry Zach!
I’ve been tossing around a couple ideas for some future posts, but they start treading into the world of strange. I know one of the things I’ve promised myself this year is to be more honest in a public forum, but there are still some things that hold me back, especially when it falls into the realm of sexuality. But there are so many things I want to talk about!
I thought about making these posts available to only certain people, but that kind of wrecks the whole point of being honest to everyone, doesn’t it?
What do you guys think?
Posted in honesty, life, writing | 1 Comment »
